Stinking Thinking

Some of you may remember from my book, “Turning Blue to Blue: How God Used Art to Lift My Depression”, that I have watched and learned from some of the saddest reality shows. Well, I came upon another lesson recently.
The show follows morbidly obese people for a year after their weight loss surgery. In the season finale, a woman believed to be 800 pounds was featured. They were not able to weight her initially due to timing and health concerns.

Her background story was that she had been kidnapped and held at gunpoint by her boyfriend after trying to end their relationship. He managed to escape after killing 2 police officers who had come to rescue her. She continued to fear for her life and hid in her home for years. Food became her comfort. Now she is in her early 40s and wants to change her life.

Due to the severity of her situation, surgery is immediately performed on her. Usually the doctor asks patients to lose 50 or so pounds first to see how serious they are and what kind of family support they have. After surgery it is usually advised to get up and walk as soon as possible. But this patient refused to even try. She would tell the physical therapists at the hospital to come back later. She was busy on her laptop. That went on for several months. Eventually, the doctor sent her home. Despite family that seemed supportive, she continued to refuse to try to walk for 10 months. Finally, at a family member’s request, the doctor came to her home and coaxed her into allowing the paramedics to help her stand. They showed her standing twice in a row for about 5 seconds each. Afterwards she smiled and seemed so relieved. She said she hadn’t believed her legs could hold her. That’s why she wouldn’t try.

Now I realize this is “reality” TV. It was edited in such a way to make it a compelling story. It ended on a hopeful note that now she would continue the hard work to regain her mobility. However, the lesson for me was powerful.

I’ve been watching that show for years and have seen the miraculous physical and emotional breakthroughs patients have had in their first 12 months. But because this woman didn’t believe she could stand, she shut herself down from trying or even getting more help. Many of the patients see a therapist and I certainly think that would have been beneficial for her. So in effect, 11 months were wasted. At 600 – 800 lbs, every day is precious and proven professionals offering help is a godsend.

I thought about myself and some other people close to me. How long have we been refusing to “stand”, because we don’t believe we can, when all the while we have access to everything we need to not just walk but run? What we believe about ourselves and our situations is so powerful. We just can’t allow stinking thinking to hold us back any longer.

Everyday I’m working on freeing my mind. At some points in the day I may need to recite a scripture or sing myself a song. My meds continue to help and so does my art. Through inspirational words on my Facebook page, my writing workshop, my art workshops or talking with me one on one, I hope to encourage those I can touch to free themselves from self-doubt, self-hate, perfectionism, anger and fear.

An Apple A Day…

-apple-clipart-8An apple a day will keep anyone away if it is thrown at them hard enough. – unknown

There is a storage business that I pass everyday on the way home. It posts funny or clever sayings. Perhaps my humor has turned somewhat dark over the past couple years, but I find the above saying both funny and clever. It is obviously a turn on the American proverb, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” I’ve always taken the proverb in its fullest sense to mean that making a habit of doing a simple healthy thing will pay dividends. It also reminds me that we are what we eat.

There is a TV commercial on these days for a beer.  When folks at the bar are deciding what to drink, they are knocked down by an apple.  This appeals to the love of slapstick comedy in each of us. But I think it also reaches back into folklore with Sir Isaac Newton making a great discovery after being hit on the head by an apple. The fancied Newton experience has come to mean a boink on the head can make a concept very clear to one.

I got hit by an apple the other day. The actions of a friend really hurt my feelings. I shared that with her, but she didn’t really “get it.” It then became abundantly clear to me that I cared a lot more about her and her success than she realized and more than she did about me. Of course, at first I told myself I was overreacting. But then I decided I’m not the overreacting type. I’ve since adjusted my reality and expectations of the relationship. Reality can present itself as clearly as a knock on the head and just as painfully.